five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
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