Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
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I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
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