we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Randomize
