Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
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