Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
