I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
