I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
I am midnight drunk by noon
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
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She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
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Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
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