she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize