What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Randomize
