dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Randomize
