dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
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