Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Randomize
