just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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