worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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