I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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