I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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