someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Randomize
