There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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