guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
