I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize
