do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
I think a kid would responsible me up
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
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