is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
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