i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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