Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
