Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
I wish there were birth control emojis
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
