I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
