He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
Randomize
