that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
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