I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
