'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
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