I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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