you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
