I swear she didn't look like that last week.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
