I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Randomize
