i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
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