I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Randomize
