The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Randomize
