no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
Randomize
