i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
People with herpes should wear stickers.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
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