My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Randomize