Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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