Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Randomize
