Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
They should really pass out barf bags in church
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
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