hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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