But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
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