Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Randomize
