we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
