New invention idea: vibrating tampons
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
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