Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Randomize
