Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
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