is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
