woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
