ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
I wish there were birth control emojis
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Randomize
