What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
Your mouth is God's brothel.
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
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