who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
this just has baby written all over it
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Randomize
