Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
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He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
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I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
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