Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
