Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
