After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Randomize
