guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
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