I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Randomize
