I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
