i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
it's not cheating when I paid for it
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
Randomize
