I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
I need a beard to bite.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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