My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
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