I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
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