1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
