Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
Actions speak louder than pants.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
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