My Higher Power is John Stamos
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
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