there's paper in my vomit.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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