Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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