Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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