You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Randomize
