You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
